How Soccer Explains the World

All over the Middle East -- well, not counting the part that has moved past the 12th century of civilizational development, Israel -- joyous occasions are celebrated by firing off a few friendly rounds into the air. Instead of smoke 'em if you got 'em, it's shoot 'em if you got 'em.

Of course, what goes up must come down. So each time this "celebratory gunfire" erupts, people get hurt, sometimes fatally. Moreover, under present conditions, the bad guys use this ammo-rous tradition as cover for shooting mortars in lieu of bullets. (Or maybe they're just that much happier at weddings and such.)

Which brings us to today's security memo, which advises that the next "scheduled" round of celebratory gunfire will take place this afternoon, when Iraq's national soccer team plays in the semi-finals of the Asian Cup. So more duck and cover can be expected at that time.

Now, normally I appreciate local soccer-related traditions around the world. This one, however, I could do without. C'mon, if you're gonna die at a soccer game, let it at least be in the crush of fans at a stadium, celebrating goals the old-fashioned way -- in a stampede toward the protective fence or fighting with the rival team's fans.